BERLIN, GERMANY -- In an exciting new scholarly book, released today by Scheisskopf Press, popular researcher and author Erick Von Dankeschön has finally proven, beyond any shadow of doubt, that swords were brought to our planet by an Alien race.

The "Schwerterdepotinhaber," or "Depositors" as Von Dankeschön has dubbed the Alien visitors, come from the far edge of the galaxy.

"They seem to have made a point of visiting Earth," Von Dankeschön postulated in an interview with The Intelligencer earlier today.

"This discovery gives us a much fuller understanding of the history of mankind, and also reminds us that we should get a grip on our own defenses and be on our guard - lest we get pommelled by this alien civilization."

Like the Pyramids, the Bermuda Triangle, Mike Sigman and other puzzling things on our planet that cannot be adequately explained by our conventional science, how and why swords came into being in our ecosystem has always remained unexplained.

"This also provides the final clue we needed," said Von Dankeschön, "to explain the extinction of the Dinosaurs.

"There have been many mass extinctions throughout the history of the Earth. Probably the most famous is the extinction that finally saw the end of the dinosaurs' reign over the Earth, some 65 million years ago.

"It wasn't just the dinosaurs that died out in this extinction. Whatever caused the death of the dinosaurs also caused the death of around 70% of all of the species on the Earth. Although the dinosaurs had been in a period of decline, it is thought that their recovery was prevented by some sort of catastrophic event."

"There are many theories about this mass extinction, some of which are more than a little outlandish," Von Dankeschön asserts.

"Forget asteroids and comets."

"The fossil record, interpreted now with this new view of the past and without the "blinders" imposed by the conservative Archaeo-Establishment, shows very clearly that the dinosaurs wiped each other out in one giant Swordfest occurring at the end of the Cretaceous period."

To prove his theory, Von Dankeschön made some use of the previously unpublished analysis of the rocks and fossils in and around the K-T boundary (the Cretaceous - Tertiary boundary.)

"There is plenty of fossil evidence of swordplay among the dinosaurs that has been ignored or suppressed. Some species were clearly better adapted than others to using the sword, either defensively or offensively.

"Tyranosaurus Rex and Gorgosaurus had particular problems adapting to swordplay - stemming no doubt from their tiny and ineffective forelegs and stubby fingers," Von Dankeschön explains.

"And it is probably the evolutionary explanation for the development of integral body armor by certain dinosaur species such as the Ankylosaurus and Glyptodont.

Mammals may have survived this mass-extinction because they were better-adapted to hiding behind rocks and trees and then, as Von Dankeschön describes, "shivving dinos in the back as they passed by unawares."

"Indications are that many early mammals, other than apes, used swords as well," Von Dankeschön adds.

"For example: our research has shown that the apparently misnamed "Sabertooth" Tiger (Smilodon) was not so much "saber-toothed" as it was "saber-wielding." This, combined with their tremendous size and weight, made the tiger a very formidable opponent to even the most skilled but smaller sword-wielding mammals.

"How Bigfoot survived, being as a rule a very poor swordsman, I have no idea," Von Dankeschön frankly admits. "I'll have to ask him."

"This unanticipated and unwanted "gift" of the sword has had an incalculable impact on Earth and Human history."

But it does not appear that the Earth is a special case.

"In fact," Von Dankeschön continued, "it appears that the Depositors have left a trail of swords reaching across our Galaxy.

"NASA [The United States National Aeronautics and Space Administration] first discovered a sword in 1969 that had been left on our Moon by the Depositors millennia ago. Now Rover has discovered one on Mars."

Why the Depositors introduced swords into Earth culture is still a mystery.

Von Dankeschön theorizes that it may have been an anthropological experiment, or, like many earthbound WMA practitioners, they may have just been looking for a new sparring partner that would take a hit without crying.

This official NASA photograph - classified Top Secret until now - clearly shows NASA Astronauts in 2001 examining the gigantic sword discovered hidden on the Moon.

The arrow on this official NASA photograph clearly shows the location of another large sword on the surface of Mars!