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The
New
Transparent Aluminum Sword
Mark II*
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Actual
only slightly-
retouched
photo |
Be
the first to Amaze your friends with this Astounding
state-of-the-art breakthrough weapons system - The New Transparent
Aluminum Sword, Mark II!
You and your closest (but hopefully at a safe distance) friends
will marvel at the exquisite workmanship, the fine detail, the sharper-than-a-razor-sharp
edge.
The obvious quality of this piece cannot be overshadowed by any
other sword at any price!
Though
a common material in the Star Trek Universe, this technologically
advanced material has never before been utilized in the swordmaking
industry (for reasons which were not immediately apparent
to us, though unfortunately have since become crystal-clear)
- until now!
Just read these moving testimonials:
"...I
received my New Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark II today,
thank you very much. Now, I am afraid to open the box. Which end
is which?"
-- Just Plain Scared in Omaha
"...Once
I finally figured out where the handle was, I could barely bring
myself to put my New Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark II
down (mostly out of sheer terror). Now that I have, I can't find
it. Any ideas?"
-- Still Nervously Lookin' in Florida
"...I love my New Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark II. I
have to admit that I have never seen anything like it. (Or even
it, for that matter.) But, will it cut through concrete like
a katana?"
-- Highlander Fanboy
"...Finally, a sword purchase that will not be hard to hide
from my wife!"
-- Henpecked Hoosier
"...I just couldn't wait to handle my New Transparent Aluminum
Sword, Mark II. The doctors say that all one-hundred and fifty-eight
stitches will come out next week and that they do amazing things
with prosthetics these days."
-- Newly A. Lefty, ICU Bed 5, Canoga Park Community
Hospital
"...I used to have a dog. A really nice dog. Now, thanks to
Albion and my New Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark II, I
need a new dog."
-- Lonely in Connecticutt
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Concept
art by
Howy of Albion
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Note the fine
craftsmanship clearly apparent in this detailed photo
We
wanted this sword to be an homage to those splendid examples of the
ancient swordmaker's art, but in a new space-age material that literally
defies description. A weapon that is broad and bold, virtually undetectable
(even by the user), with profoundly understated elegance in shapes,
lines and volumes.
The heft of the sword is managed by an effective use of nonlinear
distal taper and a deep and well defined fuller (you will have to
take our word on this). This results in a lively and responsive feel
that invites you to strike with the sword - as long, of course, as
it is grasped by the correct end.
The pommel of this sword is of type J: a deep wheel pommel with concave
bevels (not that it really matters in this case). It is crowned by
a high, but completely invisible, rivet block. The cross is a version
of style 2: a straight type of octagonal section that swells at the
ends and in the middle (again, you will have to take our word on this.
We do not recommend touching the The
New Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark II
to verify this description, due to the overwhelming risk of severe
permanent bodily injury).
The outer third of the blade curves gradually to a sharp point. This
gives a visual balance (at least it would, if you could see it) to
the broad base of the blade and also helps in establishing sweet handling
characteristics (at least in theory: we have been too afraid to handle
it much ourselves).
If you think it looks amazing in photos - you should see the real
thing!
A Limited Edition Hand Crafted Collectible Sword
This sword is offered in a limited edition of only 1,000 collectible
swords worldwide. After this edition runs out, (if not before), we
absolutely guarantee that these swords will be hard to find anywhere!
Specifications
Overall
length: around 38.125" (96.8 cm)
Blade length: around 31.5" (80 cm)
Blade width: around 2.0625" (5.24 cm)
CoG: around 4.5" (11.43 cm)
CoP: around 21" (53.34 cm)
Weight: around 2 lbs 10.4 oz
(1.2 kilos)
You
can customize your New
Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark II's
grip color -- see the standard grip colors here.
Custom colors, no matter how invisible to the naked eye, are available
at an additional charge of $25.
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The
New Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark II...
Priced to Move at the Amazing Price
of Only
$100 **
(plus special HAZMAT S/H and $100,000,000.00 in mandatory
liability insurance)
Your New
Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark II
is a painstakingly researched and executed weapon.
It is fully guaranteed for life against any defect in materials
or workmanship. Simply send detailed photographs of any defects
in your sword to junkmail@albion-swords.com and we will be
happy to schedule an Albion technician to come to your home, wearing
appropriate protective gear.
Do NOT, under any circumstances, send your New
Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark II
back to Albion - our shipping guy has enough injuries from shipping
the New
Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark II's
out, and he says he'll quit if, and we quote, "even just one
of these damned things comes back. I mean it! I will quit!"
Please Note: Albion cannot accept responsibility for buyer's personal
injuries (no matter how severe), injured pets, family members, friends,
acquaintances or complete strangers, damaged furniture, buildings,
vehicles or other personal or real property, or most importantly,
misplaced or mislaid swords and any injuries, dismemberments, or
deaths resulting therefrom.
*SPECIAL NOTICE TO WISCONSIN RESIDENTS: If anyone finds, or even
thinks that they have found, the New Transparent Aluminum Sword,
Mark I, please notify the proper authorities immediately.
SPECIAL
NOTICE TO THE PROPER AUTHORITIES: Do
NOT try to handle the New Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark I without
the proper protective gear, fully paid-up health insurance, a Board-Certified
Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) standing by on site, a MEDIVAC
Helicopter (with the engine running) nearby, and a duly-ordained
and annointed clergy-person of your chosen faith close at hand who
is prepared to administer the Extreme Unction or equivalent.
Do NOT look directly at the New
Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark I.
You have been warned.
** We really, really, really want these out of our building as soon
as humanly possible.
All sales are irrevocably final. Absolutely no returns or exchanges.
If you still try to return your New
Transparent Aluminum Sword, Mark II,
we will deny ever having made it. So there.
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Read
More About and See More Amazing Photographs Of This Astounding New
Product Here |
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